Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Come Follow Me (Come Clean)

I would have loved to be in one of the Apostles' shoes at the moment Jesus called them. To feel so boldly drawn to someone that your life changed entirely in that one instant- those three words: "Come, Follow ME."

If only it were that easy today.

I've thought about what God's plan for my life might be since the time I was 9. I'm an overactive imagination, a busy thinker, however you so choose to say it. Bottom line, in my quiet moments, when I'm left to myself, I think. Maybe it feels like God is there listening to my thoughts, maybe it just cuts the quiet on some level. But I've just always thought about where I could be called.

Ever since I was 9, I've considered the possibility of becoming a Priest. I've had the fortune of always having holy and wise priests as my pastors my whole life. The thought of being a spiritual rock and foundation for the faith of many, while a large responsibility, also sounds SO exhilarating. It's something that I pray about and meditate on often- since it IS a life-long call from god, and not just a temporary hire job or something that can be forgotten. It is a binding, life-long commitment, just like marriage.

I remember the first time my mom said to me she'd though I'd make a good special ed teacher, I thought she was nuts. Me? Special Education? What connection would I have with Special Education in my life, ever??? Well, whether my mom is just a good judge of character or she's secretly telepathic, it's something I began to consider all on my own within the last few years. Discovering Reece's Rainbow is, in no small part, responsible for the yearnings in my heart that make me think that no matter what my call in life may or may not be, Special Needs WILL be part of it. Going to the RR get-together further proved for me that Special Needs care and advocating is like my second home- the people involved became like family, the calling felt natural. In the same way that my prayer and faith feel natural, spending time with the Pathfinders residents came second-nature. It just clicked. And I can't help but wonder, could God maybe, just maybe, have some special girl in store for me that would get that, that would feel that call to help those with Special Needs, through adoption and/or education too? I also love kids. Do the math here.

I couldn't consider my life ever moving on without Orphan Care either. If God has called me to something involved with Special Needs, so it is intertwined with the Orphans that are blessed with those Needs. I wonder how far will something like Speaking for the Silent take me before God says it's time to move on?

With all of these thoughts racing through my mind, I am left in a hazy cloud, wondering where I should go. On one hand, I know God is in control and I shouldn't lose the present dwelling on the future. But on the other hand, all I want is to Know. Know where I should be going, what I should be doing, so this feeling of where am I meant to be wasn't so apparent. Thank God for my dear friends like Taylor and Tori, who are also in the Special Needs world and are seeking out their life's work. And my dearest brothers at cathedral prep are more than supportive of a possible vocation in me. God has given me so many positive, and more importantly, Joyful experiences with both of these groups. Trying to piece together the puzzle of my life is tough. As christian singer Audrey Assad sings in her song "Come Clean,"

"I'm picking up the pieces, and I put them where they go- but where do they go? where do they go? Does anything in me know, where do they go?"

I know it will come in time, as God wills it. But for now, I'm left wondering when that call, that last piece of the puzzle will come. And all I can do is hope and pray that soon I'll hear Jesus walk up to me and tell me how best I can answer His invitation to "Come and Follow Me."

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